thoughts of my morning refreshed at night.

this morning i read 2 Corinthians 9-11.
when i read to be honest, sometimes it sticks, sometimes it doesn't. this morning something stuck.

In the first part of chapter 10, Paul is talking about tearing down barriers that keep us from God and then goes on to declaring who he is boasting in. anyway so as i read v. 3-5 it says, "We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ (NLT).
As i read this i thought, 1. that sounds really familiar 2.What areas of my life need to be destroyed in order for others to know God. This mulled in my head thought out the day as i was a paper writing hermit. Yet i kept coming back to, why does this sound familiar?
I picked up my NIV and check it out, that is where i read it. the "... we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ" was the section that plays over and over in my head.
As i began to procrastinate and i was curious in what the message version had to say i picked it off the shelf. And then i got hit as i read it.
"The world is unprincipled. It's dog-eat-dog out there! The world doesn't fight fair. But we don't live or fight our battles that way—never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren't for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity."

Do you see that? Little me, through God's power in me, has the strength to "demolish that entire massively corrupt culture" Did your jaw just drop? Cause mine sure did.

Question to be answered in my lifetime... How do i do that?

it's the end of november.

It's hard to believe that it's the end of november. It feels like the summer just ended a week ago, but yet i still can put words together to say something profound or significant.

School is busy, but almost done. I am writing lots of paper which i am realizing more and more that i am a horrible writer. My sentences suck, and i can't seem to make my fingers type what i am thinking in my head. But there is light, only 3 more months of papers.

my thoughts currently are consumed by, where am i going to work in may? And to be honest i have no clue. There are some areas i like, but none i am passionate about which does make the selection process difficult.

I have been also thinking lots about love, gratitude, and grace. What do they look like, how do i have it in my life, and how does that change things. When i know more on this, i will try to form it into words.

This is part of the summer crew at Fundy park in NB, such a great trip on our week off!

love is patient.

I am beginning to write about things of the summer.

Here are my thought so far.

What have you learned this summer as been asked time after time, yet my answer changes with every time that question is asked. So here goes at trying to capture what i learned at malagash this summer.

My reoccurring NEED for God. nothing i do, or say or want in each and everyday can compare to how sweet it is with God. i would wake up with a continued prayer of "Father i need you."

One of my many questions of the year is, what does that need for God look like in the mundane things of everyday life, going to school, hanging out with friends. I am learning i am so independent. I went into this summer thinking i could do it all on my own. Was i ever wrong. I learned i need other people, i need other people to ask me the hard questions to get me to speak.

During the summer i was able to watch. Seriously, one of my favourite things to do. Watch interactions, watch people. And i was able to share in other people's joy. To listen to God moments, to watch other people grow. To see God changing campers as well as staff's live.

And for that I am blessed.

words.

Lately i've been learning that other people explain things a lot better then myself. Here it is, i like this description a lot.

Showing up:
I learned early on never to ask myself, "Do you feel like running today?" I just do it. Why? I can think of many reasons. Regular exercise allows me to eat what i want without worrying about weight gain. It does long term good for my heart and lungs. It allows me to do other activities, such as skiing and mountain climbing. All these benefits represent a kind of "deferred gratification."
As with physical exercise, much of the benefit of prayer comes as a result of consistency, the simple act of showing up. The writer Nancy Mairs says she attends church in the same spirit in which a writer goes to her desk every morning, so that if an idea comes along she'll be there to receive it. I approach prayer the same way. Many days I would be hard-pressed to describe a direct benefit. I keep on, though, whether it feels like i am profiting or not. I show up in hopes of getting to know God better, and perhaps hearing from God in ways accessible only through quiet and solitude.
For years I resisted a regular routine of prayer, believing that communication with God should be spontaneous and free. As a result I prayed infrequently and with little satisfaction. Eventually I learned that spontaneity often flows from discipline. Leonardo da Vinci spent ten years drawing ears, elbows, hands, and other body parts of the body in many different aspects. Then one day he set aside the exercises and painted what he saw. Likewise, athletes and musicians never become great without regular practice. I found that i needed the discipline of regularity to make possible those exceptional times of free communication with God.
The english word meditate derives from a Latin word which means "to rehearse." Virgil speaks of a shepherd boy "meditating" on his flute. Often my prayers seem like a kind of rehearsal. I go over basic notes (the Lord's prayer), practice familiar pieces (the psalms), and try out a few new tunes. Mainly, I show up.

- Philip Yancey: Prayer: Does it make any difference? (165-66)

found?

Over the past couple of weeks i have been lost for words. Sometimes i can't even say a word. Let me tell you. What a weird feeling. I would like to blame it on the massive amounts of papers i wrote, but that's just an excuse for the paper i have yet to start. Or is it just that i actually have nothing to say. Maybe so.

Today was one of the most productive days i've had in a while. Early morning trip to the gym. treated myself to coconut yogurt. Made a bunch of phone calls which needed to be made to sort through planning/apartment stuff. Wrote letters, cleaned, did a load of laundry and had time to run to the store. Although yes productive. Not in the greatest sense. I still need to write one more paper before April 30. What a drag and a massive struggle. But it will be good. It will all be good.

I was reminded this afternoon of this.
"Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:28-31

full full full.

yesterday was probably one of my most fullest days in a while.

a predicted high of 16-18C degrees outside in March, seriously beautiful. the gang decided to check out a new-to-us trail in Porter's lake. we left early morning, drove out, hiked in. it was just so so great to be outdoor, not constantly hearing traffic and city noises.Crowbar lake trail had some great look offs with a river the trail runs by, quite a few steep inclines which went up and down, up and down, and a lake we came to about 6 km in. Loved it. but enough about the trail, which i loved, did i mention that? so we ate lunch at the lake side then decided to head back. with about half a km to go before we were back to the car we were going down a steep rocky part. i caught a bit of ice under my feet and down i go. then the commotion starts. my elbow split open a bit.nothing serious of course. my lovely friends rinsed it off and i started to get out band-aids. "do you think that needs stitches" the discussion started and proceeded to go back and forth until the band-aids were on. Nah, i'll tough it out. And check it when i get to some place with a mirror. Afterwards we stopped in Dartmouth for some slushies and ice cream. I checked it out. I could probably get stitches but it was so hard to tell, so i ignored it. we then set out to complete this lovely day with a bbq with good friends, yum! my first bbq of the season. we were all pretty tired but ended up watching Willow. which i then fell asleep for at least half of it. We made it back to the city around midnight with a quick stop in at a drug store to get some butterfly closures for my elbow i thought i was set for the night and do some nursing skills to my arm. I was so ready to crawl into my nice warm bed.

just to be safe i asked my nursing friend, so "what are the guidelines behind getting stitches". her reply, "jenni what did you do" i showed her via skype and with lots of medical talk of infections and the wound needs to be approximated. I was convinced to hit up the emerg at 1230, which i wasn't too impressed since i wanted a shower and sleep. we were met by some pretty great paramedics who then had the discussion. "does she need stitches, and would you stitch that?" The mans reply was yes i would stitch that, yet it was 9 hours later since i had my tumble and there is a time limit on giving stitches. 8-12 hours after. But they worked their handsome magic. And after being an hour in the emerg and 6 stitches later i was home and in bed by 2.

All i can say is what a full day.

true believin'

I kind of like this book.

" One of the problems we have in the church today is that we have over-evangelized the world too lightly. We've gotten a lot of people to have supposedly asked Jesus into their hearts, but they are not living with any gratitude. They've got Jesus working for them instead of them doing His work in the world. We've got to start discipling people. Jesus has no hands but my hands and your hands. Jesus has no eyes but our eyes. WE are His workmanship: "As He was, so are we in the world." We're His body. We're all that God has to reach out to the homeless and the poor in our society." - John M. Perkins (Follow me to freedom)

bam. hows that for a kick in the pants.